The 6 Keys to Sacred Sensual Sex
Want to have better, more connected sex? This episode is for you. Uplevel your sex-life by adding in some sensuality to enhance pleasure, intimacy and of course, orgasms.
We explore:
- What sensuality is and how it can make sex so much better
- Using the five senses in unique ways to enhance your sex-life
- 6 practices you can try to encourage more connection
As a Sensuality Coach & Sex Educator, it’s only natural that I love teaching all about Sacred, Sensual Sex. This episode is an introductory overview of my popular 2hr workshop of the same name - click here to book your online or in person workshop visit.
This podcast is for YOU, so if you ever have any questions you’d like me to answer on the show, or topics you’d like me to cover – reach out to me on email here or over on instagram @eleanorhadley
Links & Resources
Check out episode 10: ‘Gourmet Sex VS Snack Sex’
Start your journey to explore your own personal pleasure language with my free quiz, including a bonus worksheet with journaling prompts to help you dive even deeper. Take the quiz now: www.eleanorhadley.com/pleasurelanguage
Thank you so much for listening to this episode of The Sensuality Academy Podcast!
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Episode Transcript
Hey there my loves and welcome to episode 26 of The Sensuality Academy Podcast. So as a Sensuality Coach & Sex Educator, you know my favourite topics to talk about are exactly that - sensuality and sex! So today I’m going to share with you the 6 Keys to Sacred Sensual Sex to help you take your sex-life from just average to fully embodied bliss.
Right now, you may be feeling like your sex life is a bit average, or perhaps it's simply lacking that spark, that magic, that deepness that you’re craving.
That's where Sacred, Sensual Sex comes in. Today I’m going to teach you how to evoke your senses, tap in to your soul and step in to your sexual essence like never before.
A short sidetone on the term sacred - it’s actually something I debated whether or not to include in this episode. You see, I know from experience that sex can be somewhat of a spiritual experience - truly transcendental. But, I’m also a grounded earth sign and I want to keep things real with you. We don’t all have the inclination to become fully fledged tantrikas - but that doesn’t mean you can’t bring a little sacredness in to your sex-life.
Sex is arguably one of the most connected things you can do with another person. You merge energies and bodies and sometimes hearts. With intention, you can take sex from being simply a fun act to a deeply pleasurable and even transcendental experience. This is what we call sacred sex.
Sexual energy is the most powerful force on the planet. It creates life, can be a powerful manifestor and allows us to connect with higher realms. In the western world, though, we've been heavily influenced by christian and other religions values which see sex as profane, dirty and ultimately taking you away from “god”.
But, on the other end of the spectrum, Goddess traditions and lineages such as Tantra & Taoism perceive our sexual energy as our life force, as being divine and ultimately leading us towards “god" (or higher consciousness, true bliss, enlightenment - whatever terminology works for you).
When awakened and directed with conscious intent, sexual energy offers us a pathway to expand our consciousness and bridge our spiritual and physical nature.
Now, this may sound very esoteric, but in reality this energy is alive in you and incredibly accessible. You've probably experienced it, if only once, but not had the language to describe it. Ultimately, sex is simply an act of chanelling energy.
Now, let’s talk a bit deeper about the term Sensual. If you’re familiar with my work, you’ll know my definition of the term sensual already. But if you’re new - Hi! Welcome, I’m so happy to have you here!
To be sensual is to be of the senses, to engage the senses in such a way as to heighten your awareness of the connection between your physical body and the external world. To be sensual is to physically enjoy the body. In my definition of sensuality, there are three expressions - they are mindfulness, body-love and empathy.
Mindfulness is to truly be 'of the senses', bringing awareness to every moment, experiencing the world with pleasure through all five senses. This is about being mindful of your internal world - your thoughts, your self-talk as well as deeply connected to your external environment and all that is around you.
Body Love is experiences when you cultivate a profound sense of connection to and appreciation of your physical body. Treating it with love and respect, nourishing it with quality food, honouring it through movement and self-care, opening up to pleasure and appreciating it for all it does. This has little to do with what it looks like, but more how you allow yourself to feel existing in it.
Empathy is the innate ability to sense how others are feeling, it requires an intuitive awareness and understanding beyond the self. This comes in to sensuality by allowing us to think outside of ourselves and consider those around us as well.
So, when we think of being sensual as being mindful, connected to the body and conscious of others - it’s the perfect foundation for beautiful sex, don’t you think?
Actively engage all the senses in to your sex-life for elevated pleasure..let’s go through the five senses.
There are many ways that we can evoke each of the senses to heighten connection and drop in to the physical body and I’m going to share some ideas, but take the time to consider how you can use each sense to create a more luxurious experience - get creative!
First up, Sight
What can you see? Consider the environment, the space, the room or the nature around you. Does it invite you to relax and connect? This could include what you are wearing or different toys or adornments on the body to create a visual feast and heighten excitement and anticipation. Ideas from previous clients have been intricate lingerie, the sight of chains, roses on the floor etc.
Next is Sound
Consider all the sounds that could be present during a sexual experience. Perhaps it's the sound of silence, being aware of the type of music playing and if you and your partner like it. Maybe you have a fire or woodwick candles crackling. This also includes vocalising yourself and being free to make sounds during sex - this always heightens the experience.
Then we have Smell
What smells entice you to drop more in to the moment? Perhaps it's a scented candle, incense, fresh flowers . Maybe it's your skin freshly washed, your lovers sweaty body, perfume, essential oil. What scents make you feel super sexy and how can you incorporate them?
And next is Taste
Aside from things like wine, chocolate and fruit, we can also consider how our personal diet and lifestyle choices impact how we taste physically to our partner. It’s amazing what diet can do to everything in our body but absoutely how you taste. So, this is something to be mindful of and conscious of what each person likes and responds to as well.
And finally Touch
Of course, touch is pretty well covered during sex! But, take this further by considering the textures of fabrics in your space, maybe you have some beautiful fluffy rugs on the floor or soft velvet sheets or blankets, maybe soft crisp sheets on the bed. Consider what feels good, what is going to ignite that sense of touch. Maybe it’s the feel or each others' skin, their hair and this could include incorporating various toys to enhance that sense of touch as well.
Another thing I’d love for you to consider is what does sex even really mean? I’m not trying to ask a riddle here but I am working on an upcoming episode about the problem with what we usually frame as foreplay as opposed to sex. This is about redefining what we consider sex to be.
More than just the 'act’ itself - which, in a heteronormative view of sex is too often equated simply to penetration alone. Sex also doesn’t always have to be about orgasms too - though of course I’m a huge proponent of orgasm equality. I’d love to encourage you to consider how can you reframe sex as the whole journey, the whole pleasurable experience.
Some say that sex starts with that first look, that first eye contact, the first conversation, and that all forms of touch can be considered 'sex'. What does it mean for you?
Before we get in to the specific tools and practices to help you have more sacred, sensual sex with a partner, it’s important to recognise that the most potent place to start is with yourself.
I want to invite you to learn your own personal Pleasure Language. This is about deeply, intimately and intentionally exploring your own self-pleasure. If you first take the time to learn how you like to be touched, what you do and don't like, what you desire and what your boundaries are - your partnered sex-life will flourish, trust me on this.
The more you understand your personal Pleasure Language, the more you can communicate this with your partners - leading to better, more connected, more sacred and more sensual sex.
Some things to reflect on...
How do I wish my partner would touch me?
What type of touch drives me crazy?
What type of touch makes me cringe?
What do I need to feel safe enough to open and experience deep pleasure?
How can I show myself more pleasure daily?
I created a whole quiz for you to learn what your pleasure language is plus you’ll receive a bonus worksheet with more journaling prompts to dive even deeper. You can find a link to take the quiz in the show notes, or simply head to eleanorhadley.com/pleasurelangauge. Let me know what you got, send me a DM on Instagram, I would love to know if it resonates for you.
Okay, now let’s talk about those 6 Keys to Sacred, Sensual Sex, shall we?
Presence - the more present you are during sex, the more awareness you will be able to bring to your senses, enhancing your entire experience of pleasure.
Presence is the ability to be here, now - nowhere else but here
It’s holding space for your partner to open up to more pleasure, making them know they’re safe to be fully witnessed by you. It is a really important thing especially for those who identify as women. We need that safety aspect, and that is an energetic safety as well as physical so that we can open up and experience pleasure. So that we can be seen by you and we know that you are not going to run away.
The more presence you have, the more aware you’ll be of touch - the sensations will heighten and the orgasmic potential will elevate
Presence allows you to tune in and feel the small, micro-waves of pleasure that you can’t notice if you’re checked out
Being present is akin to being mindful I like to think of presence being two fold. First you have the awareness anticipating the presence, then you have the act of deep and intentional, uninterrupted presences itself.
What I mean by that is on one level being aware of your surroundings - being conscious of your environment and creating a safe, sacred space in which you and your lover (or yourself is you’re indulging in some sacred, sensual self-pleasure) creating an environment where you can open up, relax and truly surrender. This will be different for everyone but consider things like making the space clutter free, there’s no distractions, put on some fresh sheets and for the love of god use softer lighting and not those horrid halogen lights. All of these things that are considered ‘prior to’ help you to drop in and be deeply present in the moment.
Eye-Contact - this is key. This is a game changer If you’ve listened to episode 22: ‘Eye Contact: The Ultimate Intimacy Booster - you’ll know what I’m talking about. Eye contact has the ability to take your sex to the next level, going from what I call ‘Snack Sex’ to ‘Gourmet Sex’. Again, check out episode 10 for more about the concept of snack sex and junk food sex.
To make intentional eye contact, it requires presence, awareness and vulnerability. It can be a deeply vulnerable thing to make eye contact with someone and know if you have listened to episode 22 then you will know that this is not a staring competition, this is not about creeping someone out. It’s about being there with them. Showing them that you don’t want to be anywhere else, you’re not distracted, you’re with them. You choose them.
It also communicates non-verbally to your partner that you are not going anywhere, that you matter.
Again, this only heightens that sense of safety for your partner so they know you’ve got them and can drop in to pleasure
Then we have Communication - again, if you’re familiar with my work you’ll know how much I bang on about the importance of clear communication - I’m going to put some links in the shownotes to my communication themed episodes for you to catch up on too that I guarantee will up level all your relationships.
Communication when it comes to sex is two-fold. It’s about having the ability to express your desires as well as your boundaries to your partner. Sidenote - for more on boundaries check out episode 11.
Communication is about verbal conversations, like using the acronym of SHARED (that’s Status, Health, Agreements, Restrictions, Expectations, Desires) - I shared about SHARED in Episode 15, The Ultimate Conversation Starter for Better Sex
Further to that, good communicative sex entails being deeply empathetic and aware of the subtleties and the non-verbal body language of your partner. Are they tensing up, pulling away, moaning in pleasure, softening to your touch? Pay attention and speak up for clarity. Ask questions, check in. Consent is key.
Also, consider which way you, yourself, might be tensing up, pulling away, moaning in pleasure. Softening to their touch and use this as a guide to verbalise your boundaries and your desires as well.
Breath & Sound
This is one of the most powerful ways to enhance pleasure
When you intentionally channel that powerful sexual energy throughout your body using breath, you’re opening up to tangibly and physically feeling more pleasure
Bringing awareness to the breath also encourages us to slow down and and when we slow down, we get to experience longer lovemaking sessions and more intense orgasms
Breath is also key in ejaculation control to help you last longer for all my pals with penises out there. Actually, that’s handy info for anyone engaging in sex that involves a penis - you can encourage your partner to focus on their breath if they’re getting too close to the edge to extend the session. This is actually a practice called sublimation but that’s a topic for another day!
Not only is breath a bridge between your mind and your body, but it also heightens intuition, helping you become even more in tune with your body and your lover
And we have sound, breath and sound work hand-in-hand. Audibly allow yourself to express your pleasure. Sometimes I know this can be tricky if you need to be quiet but I highly recommend exploring and allowing yourself to express verbally, audibly your pleasure.
One of my favourite things to consider during sex is Movement -
This might sound obvious. Like, of course we’re going to be moving during sex Eleanor, we’re having sex - friction is a huge part of that. Yeah yeah, I’m with you! But what I’m talking about in terms of movement is being aware and mindful of your body throughout sex, on a deeper level.
Cultivating a connection with your body allows you to learn your pleasure language - what your body responds to. Once you know this, you can communicate this with a partner. Being aware of your body first.
Tapping in to sensual movement is an amazing way to enhance your sex-life. Learn how to open and undulate your hips to get that delicious rhythmic motion going - the power of sensual movement is so potent that I created a whole online course on it. I believe it’s so powerful for us to reclaim our sensuality, to reclaim our bodies, and take it away from that male gaze and move our bodies in a certain way, a sensual way, a sexual way for the benefit of others. It starts with you, exploring your body first and then you can use what you learnt to enhance your sex life when you having partnered sex. It’s going to help the energy and pleasure flow throughout your body.
If you want to learn how to move your body sensually and learn the foundations of my signature practice Sensual Yoga, check out my course The Art of Sensual Movement in the shownotes.
Finally we have Pace - good sex is more like a marathon than a sprint to the finish line. Remove the addiction to reaching a goal, and instead simply enjoy the journey.
Take your time to luxuriate, surrender and melt in to the moment
Pace ties in with movement as well as communication - pay attention and communicate with each other what’s working and what’s not.
You can tease with pace by slowing things down when their building, get passionate by going faster, play around with the ebbs and flows
Pace is also about considering non-goal orientated sex. It’s about pleasure, it’s not about orgasms. Yes, we all love orgasms but I want you to take your orgasms, your partners orgasms off your to-do list, it’s not a gold star of achievement. The gold star of achievement comes from a deeply pleasurable experience.
Our society is so focussed on achieving goals, that we rarely enjoy the actual moment - and the same goes for sex.
Instead, take time to enjoy the journey and pleasure along the way, instead of racing to orgasm and ticking it off your to-do list
So there we have it - the 6 Keys to Sacred, Sensual Sex. Let’s recap, shall we?
Presence
Eye-Contact
Communication
Breath & Sound
Movement
Pace
I can pretty much guarantee that if you incorporate these 6 keys in to your sex-life, things are gonna get juicy. Have fun and explore!
I hope you loved this episode and if you learnt something, I would so appreciate you taking 30 seconds to write a lovely review for me. And if you think a friend (or maybe a lover) could benefit from hearing about the 6 keys to sacred sensual sex, why not share the link to the episode with them or even screenshot and share on your insta stories? Don’t forget to tag me too, @eleanorhadley over on Instagram.
Until next time, stay sensual!
