Welcome to Season 2: A Slow & Sensual Start to 2021
Let’s start the year in a more intentional way, shall we? In the first episode of Season 2, we’re exploring slow-living and how we can bring this philosophy to life in 2021. Rather than getting caught up in the popular new year rhetoric that insinuates you must have your whole year planned out to a tee and set a whole bunch of goals - let’s consider a slower approach.
In this episode, you’ll learn 7 ways to live a more slow, sensual and deeply intentional life.
This podcast is for YOU, so if you ever have any questions you’d like me to answer on the show, or topics you’d like me to cover – reach out to me on email here or over on instagram @eleanorhadley
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The Sensuality Academy Podcast is edited and produced with thanks to Lucy Arellano. You can find her work at @lucy_podcastva
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Episode Transcript
Baby, we’re back! I’ve missed you! Welcome, my loves, to Season 2 of The Sensuality Academy Podcast.
It’s been an absolute whirlwind the past couple months over the holidays. I’ve been moving around, travelling and seeing family. In true sensualista style, too, I've been prioritising slowness. Resisting the urge to rush in to the new year.
In today’s episode - episode 33 and the first of Season 2 - I want to start slowly. And I want to share seven tips on how you can too.
I know at this time of the year you’ve likely been bombarded with sponsored ads from companies and posts from every influencer (or even friends) banging on about setting goals for 2021. Maybe you set them in the first few days of the year and have already left them by the wayside. If you’re anything like me, you’ve felt some level of pressure to suddenly reassess your life, start a clean slate and set a million goals for every single aspect of your life.
And look, I get it. I’ve historically been enamoured by the fresh energy of a new year and all the possibilities that lie ahead.
But this year…it felt different. Call it 2020 fatigue or a simple reassessment of priorities - but I wasn’t feeling quite as taken by the whole ‘new year, new you’ rhetoric this time around.
At a core level, I really don’t believe that we need to be fixed or necessarily upgraded. There’s absolutely always room for self-improvement and lord knows I’ve read my fair share of self-help books over the years. But at the end of the day - there is not one destination.
And I don’t mean to sound pessimistic at all. Rather, I’m here to be present in my own life. And to encourage deep presence in yours.
I listened to a wonderful episode by the genius that is Alex Wolf the other day. She’s a tech philosopher and advocate for slow-living and I find my values align deeply with hers, and she posed the question, “When will you let ordinary life be enough?”.
Oof, did that hit you like it hit me? When will you let ordinary life be enough?
I want to ask you to reflect on how you’re designing your life. Are you letting it simply happen to you? Are you focussed on ticking off the boxes of what society expects of you? Are you chasing some form of validation?
And, I’m not asking these questions from a space of judgement. I’m genuinely curious. Because how often do we pause to ask ourselves what kind of life we’re creating?
Look, 2020 screwed us all around a lot. It threw a proverbial spanner in the works and forced many people to look at their lives and ask these questions - some for the very first time.
For me, this sparked a desire to live more simply. To stop rushing, to stop trying to prove my worth.
I’m really bloody good at what I do, and I fucking love it. And I found myself getting fatigued by any self-talk that made me feel otherwise, and the comparison that comes with…well, exisiting online. I think too often we spend our time focussing so damn heavily on what we don’t have, what others have, what they’re doing, who they’re becoming - that we fail to take a breath and look around at all that we have achieved, and to be grateful for any growth, any lessons and all experiences.
I shared on my stories the other day about my desire to actually enjoy my life and to live way more simply. While I thought maybe I was getting a bit esoteric on you all - it seemed to seriously resonate. I had a flood of DM’s coming in from you all sharing that you wanted the same. But how?
Trust me, I don’t have my head in the sand here. We still need to work and look after families and be present in relationships. We still have responsibilities and this slow, simple living thing isn’t about slowly wandering off to the bush and leaving everything behind.
But instead, it’s about living with intention. How many of the things on your to-do list right now are actually, truly essential? How many of them inspire presence, connection and enjoyment? Where are your priorities?
Because for me - my priorities have shifted. I’m no longer buying in to the capitalist lie that I need to reach a certain level of success or status, that I need to own all these things that my targeted ads insist I do. No, now my priority is presence. It’s connection. And impact. I know I’m here to make an impact. But, I'll do so while deeply enjoying my life and living it intentionally. I won’t do it by stressing by putting so much pressure on myself to get all these imaginary things done. No. It’s time to go slow.
I want to share a few tips on how to live a more slow, sensual and deeply intentional life. Take what resonates and leave the rest.
Step 1 is, like I said before, to look at your to-do list and seriously pare it back. I promise more than half those things are simple busy-work, or things you’re doing out of expectation or fear of what others will think if you don’t. Do things that light you up, and things that allow you to live freely. Now I know some may misinterpret me here, so let me be clear. I know many of us don’t feel lit up paying bills - but we have to. If you don’t pay your electricity, out go the lights. But how can you reframe this as something you’re doing - paying the bill - that feels abundant and like it’s actually a privilege to have that electricity and all the wonderful things you can do because you have access to it.
Okay number two is to focus on the feelings. How do you want your life to feel? What things, behaviours, places, people make you feel like this? How can you prioritise these things? What’s getting in the way for you? As an example - one thing I value deeply in my life is freedom. Something that makes me feel this is being out in nature and going on adventures. Something that gets in the way of me experiencing this feeling is the internal pressure I place on myself to work all the time (internalised capitalism, I see you! I’m working on this!). So, to get around that, I give myself permission to rest and play and explore more - because I know it actually makes my work better, and more powerful.
Next, I encourage you to practice presence. I think one of the main reasons so many people feel dissatisfied with their lives is because they spend all their time thinking and worrying about either the past or the future. Some actually say that depression is akin to dwelling on the past and anxiety is akin to stressing about the future. Of course that’s an oversimplification of two serious illnesses - but do you see what I’m getting at? This year - or at least just today - I want to encourage you to be present. To observe and truly enjoy this exact moment.
Of course this flows on beautifully to number 4 which is to use your senses. If you’ve followed my work for some time you’ll know that I believe to be sensual is to truly be of the senses. So, tune in to them. And don’t just notice them - that’s merely scratching the surface. No, allow yourself to savour the senses. Marvel at the view out your window, or that piece of artwork you walk past in your hallway every day. Delight in the feeling of your hands gently rubbing the soap into your skin in the shower. There is honestly so much beauty in this world and we are lucky enough to have these five senses, if we do have all five but we are lucky enough to have any of these senses to experience the richness around us. So don’t numb out, tune in.
Number 5 comes in the form of my favourite personal mantra: Prioritise your pleasure. In every sense of the word. Find pleasure in the little things, let yourself feel joy and pleasure in your everyday life. And yes, prioritise your sexual pleasure. Life is too short for average sex.
Number 6 is all about rest and play. Give yourself permission to do both. And when I say rest, really rest. Don’t watch Netflix while scrolling and answering emails. Don’t go to the beach but stress about what you need to get done on Monday while you’re there. Give yourself permission to rest, and rest deeply. As for play - find something that makes you super joyful and ridiculously happy and do it regularly. I remember something Brene Brown shared about joy and how we stop ourselves from experiencing it because we don’t believe we deserve it. She called it ‘foreboding joy’ - the feeling of experiencing something happy and joyous but immediately being met with an intrusive thought about something bad that could happen, or any other reason why we shouldn’t feel it. So, my invitation to you is - let yourself play, let yourself feel joy. Why are we here if not to enjoy this one beautiful and precious wonderful life?
And finally, with inspiration from Alex Wolf (and I’ll share links to her podcast and Instagram in the shownotes too) - I want to invite you to let yourself be bored too. You don’t have to fill every single moment. Why are you rushing? Why can’t you just be with yourself? I want to share a quote from Alex that I think will drive this home. She says that, "boredom reveals the true pace of nature and life which increases our sensitivity and appreciation for simple things.” - our sensitivity and appreciation for simple things - my loves, that’s slow, sensual living right there.
I hope that this episode has inspired you in some way, and got you thinking about how you can be more present in your own life. How you can make 2021 feel a bit more slow and intentional and of course very sensual. I’d love to hear what resonated for you, so feel free to slide into my DM’s and share your key takeaways @eleanorhadley
Before I finish up today, I wanted to share a few things. I’m very happy to say that my website is now fully updated. Y’all this was a journey and a half. So, I’d love you to go check it out - not gonna lie, I’m feeling pretty proud over here right now and of myself for bringing my vision to life. Some features I’m particularly excited for you to explore are my resources - including the library which is an evolving list of all the books I recommend on the topics I care about most. From sex and pleasure, menstruation, feminism, femininity and masculinity, to relationships, anti-racism and self-love. I’ve also introduced a shop page which houses all my favourite products from pleasure tools to porn and everything in between. You’ll also find information about how to work with me 1:1 as a coach - I’ve got an option for 90-min intensive sessions, plus my popular 12-week bespoke coaching series. You’ll find links to join my online course, The Art of Sensual Movement, plus the waitlist for upcoming programs like The Art of Seduction course and my group coaching journey, The Embodied Woman Experience. I’m also very excited to share ways for you to host me at your venues or at your home for Pleasure Parties and workshops and of course you can always find the full transcripts, links and show notes for each podcast episode on there too.
Head to eleanorhadley.com to check it out!
Thank you so much for listening today and for your support - it’s a pleasure to be back for Season 2 of The Sensuality Academy.
Chat to you next time and, as always, stay sensual.
